Are You in a Situationship?

Are you stuck in a Situationship? Make a cup of tea and sit down because it’s time for this big sister to give you the drill.

situationship

noun

a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

A situationship is an ambiguous relationship that has little to no clear boundaries or commitment between two people.

I’m using the example of Carrie’s relationship with Mr. Big on Sex and the City because this is the closest example of what Situationship is, how long it can last and how damaging it can be.

There were red flags from the beginning of the series. Big never defined his relationship with Carrie, doesn’t introduce her as more than a friend, takes her on dates to a Chinese restaurant where people bring their secret dates to, kept dodging her questions about their status, moves to a new city for work every time she gets close to a commitment from him, until he found Natasha who ticked all his boxes, but later gets into a full blown affair with Carrie. Big only realise Carrie was The One after she decided to move to Paris with the Russian after years of stringing her along. Fun fact, Carrie and Big were not even meant to end up together in the original story, they had to change the ending of the series to please the fans. So, the moral of this story is – Situationships are just bad news.

Why are Situationships Bad?

Although some may tell you that there are pros to being in a Situationship, I strongly disagree. As I’ve mentioned earlier in the case of Carrie & Big, nothing good can really come out of it and it can be damaging in the long run. Here are some of the reasons why Situationships are bad.

Bad from the beginning.

Try and recall how it first started. Chances are that it was a low point in your life and the person you got yourself in this Situationship with is also a damaged individual.

You give more than what you get.

You think you are strong enough to handle the situation for the both of you since the other party is emotionally damaged. Because you are at a vulnerable point in your life, you think you have nothing left to lose and start giving yourself up bit by bit in hopes that the other party will start opening their heart to you. I’m sorry girl, let me be the first to tell you in case no one has yet, he never will.

You are a secret.

He doesn’t tell anyone about you. When you go out together, it’s always to secret places nobody really goes to like some quiet little restaurant far from civilization, secluded parks and shady motels. His family and friends doesn’t know of you or that your relationship is more than a platonic one.

There is no exclusivity.

You are doing all the things a person in a committed relationship would but you are not getting the acknowledgement or exclusivity you deserve. You may have tried asking what your status is but he comes up with excuses and disappears until you stop asking. You’ll oblige because by this time, you’re too emotionally invested and you don’t want him to go. He may or may not be seeing other people now but one day, out of the blue, he will show up with someone else in his arms to introduce to his friends and family as his girlfriend while you watch and die inside.

Someone will end up getting hurt.

It doesn’t end well, no matter how long you were stuck in this Situationship. It blows up in your face in some form. You may try to expose him for his lies keeping you as his secret. You might still continue the Situationship despite him or yourself already being in a committed relationship. You may take the high road and cut any form of contact you have with him. Whichever way you take, you will come out of it more damage than you did when you entered this situation.

Difference Between a Situationship and Relationship?

It may be tricky to tell the difference but there are some key factors that make Situationships different from the other relationships.

Situationship vs Dating

It may seem similar because in Situationships and Dating, there is no label for the relationship. The difference is that dating typically involves a more intentional approach to forming a romantic relationship, a mutual understanding of exclusivity and an expectation of some level of emotional and physical intimacy.

Even in a case of Casual Dating, there is a use of clear labels such as, seeing each other and a mutual understanding of non-exclusivity but with an intentional approach to explore the possibility of a more serious relationship.

Situationship vs Friends with Benefits

A Situationship and a Friends with Benefits scenario are both forms of casual relationships but they differ in some key ways.

Friends with Benefits is a casual sexual relationship between two people who are also friends. Unlike a Situationship, Friends with Benefits typically involve a clear understanding that the relationship is primarily focused on the sexual activity with a mutual understanding that there are no expectations of romantic or long-term commitment. While there may be some level of emotional intimacy, friends with benefits relationships are generally less emotionally involved than Situationships.

Situationship vs An Affair

Situationships and an Affair may feel similar as both involve secrecy, deception, ambiguity of the future and feelings involved. The difference is that an affair involves one or both people who are already in a committed relationship with someone else. In a Situationship, there are no other partners involved.

I am not a psychologist but I have a resume from years of dating assholes, being played and strung along, dumping and getting dumped until I finally met and married my husband at age 32, so, I guess I can speak from experience.

As I’ve matured and reflect on my past, I learned that I’m more emotionally committed than I thought I was, I’m an absolute wife material and I give so much of myself than what I take. Situationships are definitely not built for people like me. I value myself so much more now and I’ve learned to sniff red flags from miles away.

If you’re stuck in a Situationship or fresh out of one, I want you to know that you’re strong, beautiful and a gem of a woman, it was his loss. You don’t deserve to be hidden and dining in dingy cafes. Doll up, wear your cutest outfit and take yourself out on a fabulous date to the hottest restaurant. You deserve to be shown off. And never settle until you find someone who sees you the way Harry sees Charlotte.

*All images in this post are sourced from Google images.