The Princess and the Frogs

You must’ve heard the story of The Princess and the Frog. I’ve heard it way back when I was little from our big book of Fairy Tales. My mother would read a story to me every other night before I went to bed until I could learn to read myself.

For the benefit of those who’ve never heard of it, its a story of a beautiful princess who had to kiss a frog that use to be a prince who was cursed and only a princess who loves him despite his ugly frog form would break the spell. Eew. Little did I know that I will kiss more frogs in my life that never turned into princes. How do you determine a frog from a prince? I have created a list of toads I have the misfortune to meet in hopes that it will be helpful to you and may save you from another heartbreak.

The Overprotective

You may think this is fairly harmless, that he’s doing this because he cares and wants to protect you from the possibility of getting hurt. But the longer you stay in this relationship, the more suffocating it becomes. If you have to lie to him to have dinner with your girlfriends or if he shoots down your dreams (to travel or to further your studies) so that you will be scared out of pursuing them, these are signs of a very unhealthy relationship and mental or emotional abuse.

The Brawler

The thought that he gets jealous when a guy checks you out is cute in the beginning. But when he starts picking fights with every man who looks your way or even with your own guy friends (provided you have any since they probably know by now that your boyfriend beats up any male within your radius), its obvious he has trust issues and that he will eventually turn his violent streak towards you.

The Pussy

This falls under two categories.

Pussy #1 – If he’s afraid of cockroaches, rats, bugs, etc but still tries to defend you, fine, you have to give it to him for trying. But if he hides behind you as a bee flies by, or worse, pushes you in front of harm to protect himself, girl, dump him.

Pussy #2 – He bolts in times of crisis. He takes what he wants but will not own up to it, instead, he runs as far as he can and then has the nerve to lie or accuse you of the shit he has caused.

The Jerk

Self-centered and has little or no regard for anyone else but himself. Be warned, this is usually the most disgusting of the lot and may cause you the most damage. This also falls under two categories.

Jerk #1 – He has selfish mannerisms and tendencies, prioritises his needs over yours, helps himself and won’t bother checking if you’re feeling okay. The Jerk also has no qualms about highlighting your little flaws and magnifying them without once reflecting on himself. He thinks he’s perfect.

Jerk #2 – He pretends to bring the moon to your feet (i.e.; Phantom of the Opera) but dumps you like trash as soon as he is done with you with no remorse.

The Phantom of the Opera

This is rather scary, you can never really know who or what he truly is because he has a mask on (i.e.; Phantom). He rarely or never mentions his private life but puts up a captivating performance to the world (i.e.; Opera). Or as we would call it Wayang or Drama. He has everything to hide because he is afraid of who he really is and pretends to be something else as a cover up to get what he wants (i.e.; Jerk).

The Kiss & Tell

He boasts about his sex life and spills out every detail about your relationship to boost his ego. Some will even go to extremes to give false claims about you (i.e.; Pussy) to make himself look good. He is almost guaranteed to have a small dick or/and is really bad in bed.

The Casanova

This is quite easy to spot. He is usually good looking but do not be fooled as some Casanovas can look butt ugly too. The gift of a Casanova is the ability to sweet talk and seduce a woman then later dumping them (i.e.; Jerk) for his next conquest. His relationships never last long and he can never keep his eyes and dick to himself.

How to know when you’ve found your prince? When he’s fast enough to run beside you and strong enough to catch you when you fall. And if he doesn’t show up? Fix your crown, at least you didn’t settle for a frog.