Which Comes First – Wedding, Home or Children?


Let me first begin by explaining my situation.

I will be turning thirty this September. I have a severe case of endometriosis; a condition my doctor explained will only go away after child birth. Shine and I are trying to apply for a home this year. So the bonus question is – which one should come first?

Ideally, if I could have it my way, I’d like to have our wedding first, then, move into our new home right after our honeymoon and once we’re done with renovation and deco, we’ll try for a baby. But alas, in reality, life works in its own twisted ways.

Below are options to choose from preference.

Option 1: Have a child, then a home and you’ll eventually get married.
Option 2: Have a child, marry and then get your own place.
Option 3: Get married, have a child and then look for a home.
Option 4: Get married, get a home and then have a child.
Option 5: Get a home, have a child and then get married.
Option 6: Get a home, marry and then have a child.

Shine and I are picking Option 6. Unfortunately for us, in Singapore, a Build-to-Order home will take us 4 to 5 years to complete. I’ve explained the process and our experience on A Singaporean Couple’s Housing Tales (Part I). So, if we manage to secure a unit this year, we’d both be 35 when it’s completed. In the process of waiting for our home to be completed, we plan to get married as it’ll take us some time to save for even a small ceremony and reception here. I honestly cannot gauge how long it will take to save and then plan for it – maybe 2years? Or 3years? I’d be 33 then. My doctor is gonna flip at the thought of us trying for a child as late as 33 to 35years old, not to mention the amount of Visanne pills I’ll have to take.

Due to my unique case, some friends have suggested that we try for a baby first. I’ve know of a number of people who got pregnant and then went ahead with their wedding preparations then stay with their parents or in-laws. But my Shine is quite traditional in this aspect, he believes in having children after marriage. So Option 1, 2 and 5 are definitely out for us.

Which brings me to Option 3. If we are unable to secure a home this year for whatever reason, Shine would like to go through with wedding plans regardless of the outcome. As sweet as it is, I feel a marriage isn’t complete without a home. We can always stay with our parents but there’s nothing like having your own place to stay with your little family. But if HDB balloting decides to screw me over, then this will be the next best option.

Option 4 may not be suitable as my child bearing years are limited especially with endometriosis. My body clock is ticking. Securing a home may take a while and can be quite uncertain. If we wait too long, my chances of bearing children will be slim and may worsen my condition.

What do you think should come first – the wedding, home or children?

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Isabelle is the editor behind Love Bella Vida, a Singapore Lifestyle Blog. Thank you for your continued support. Should you wish to collaborate, feel free to get in touch.

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