Memoirs & Musing

Dear Watie

Write a letter to yourself at the lowest point of your life.

Dear Watie,

My name is Isabelle. You may not know me at this very moment but I am the person who has seen you through the past twenty six years and will see you through for the rest of your life. I am who you will become in approximately four years’ time.

Right now as you lie on a bed alone in a house that you oddly created but barely know, you’re having yet another two hours of fitful sleep. He had just told you that you can walk out but you know he has something up his sleeve and it scares you to bits. You know what he is capable of yet, no one seems to believe you – your family, even the police – he fooled everyone. You pulled out your Blackberry from under your pillow and scrolled through your BBM chats. He isn’t there anymore. You know this but you refuse to believe it. How can your best friend – the person you have told your deepest secrets to and thought was always going to be by your side – played you like a joke and threw you away like rubbish? He betrayed you. You have lost your family, your friends and the man you thought you loved. You’ve cried till there are no more tears to shed, just a numbing pain in the depths of your heart. That realisation that there is literally no one here anymore but yourself. And that is when you blacked out into this dreamless dark hole for the next two hours.

Watie, when you wake up from this sleep, in your paralysed state of mind, you will be served a choice – turn to your right; open the window and fall 14 floors down, end it all because there is no way out of this mess you’ve made or turn to your left; pack your things and run, your chances of survival might be low but there may still be a way out of this.

Please choose left. I know that you’re already exhausted out of your wits end, you’re terrified of what is going to happen and that your body is in this constant agony and pain but please find the strength to peel yourself off this state, pack everything in your VS travel bag and run out of there. I promise you, you will persevere and in time, everything will work out eventually. But most of all, you will come out of this a stronger person and you will never doubt yourself again.

What will happen to you? Will you have a future? Will you ever love or be loved again? Will justice ever be served?

You will file a Personal Protection Order against him in court – the man who has kept you under his wing for the past twelve years, controlled every aspect of your life and the one you have always been fearful of – and will eventually part ways for good. You will reconnect with the friends that you have lost and they will see you through the next years of your life. You will leave your job that has been your family and your home through this difficult times to start a fresh new life. You will become a Makeup Artist; something you have always wanted to do but never gotten a chance. You will travel to some of the most beautiful and breath-taking places you never thought you’ll get to step foot on. You will open up a blog to share your journey. Your family will go through some rocky periods during the course of the next few years but you will learn to value them more than ever. And you will meet and fall in love with a man who will give you the world and break down the walls you’ve built around you. You will legally change your name to Isabelle in 2014; the name you will come up with three months from now because a friend suggested you change your name to change your life. And four years from this point staring at the ceiling with your face drenched in your own tears; you will be balloting for a home and planning a future, with the true love of your life.

As for the manipulator, it will be years till you will come in contact again. You will not speak to him. You will not even want to look at him because all you will feel is disgust and hate, the kind of hatred that you never knew you have within you. You will come to realize that everything he ever told you was a lie and manipulated you into giving him what you had during this vulnerable time in your life. You will forget how he ever was as a friend and will only remember everything he stole from you. Four years from now, as I write this down, you will still bear this hatred and that great sense of injustice still looms over you. You still find it hard to trust people, especially the people that you will come to love in your life because of what he has done to you and you don’t know if you will ever forgive him for that. Whenever I think of you at this state, I feel my blood boiling and my teeth clenching to control the anger as I still feel the need to avenge you. Please remember in the future, when this rage overcomes you, that there will never be justice that can equal everything that you will go through because he will never be as strong as you were and will be. Only God can serve that level of injustice and you may never witness it because everything that he wronged you can only be dealt with in the pits of hell.

It will be four years from this point but you still haven’t gotten over this moment. It scares me to this day that you would’ve opened that window and end everything there and you would’ve never gotten the chance to feel and see what you will have in your future. Some nights I still lay in bed and remember you at this point, alone in a room with the thought that you have nothing going for you and no one to tell you that you will be alright, I am compelled to reach out to hold your hand, to hug you because no one should ever have to go through this alone, no one deserves this. So here I am, writing this letter, in a way to make me feel that I am here for you Watie, you are not alone and I can promise you, you will pull through this.

So please, when you open our eyes and your conscious gives you that choice, sit up, turn to your left, pack your bags and run towards me, your future.

With all my love,
Isabelle Rosta

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